Yep, this is my first hate speech post. Don’t worry, it won’t be too much of a blood bath. I tried to use humor to lighten it, but honestly it might be kinda morbid.

TRIGGER WARNING: If you’re a survivor, be warned. Some of my comments here are more graphic than usual to get the point across.

1. Oceans by Hillsong Worship – Thanks, but I’m already drowning. When this song came out, I was not sure I was going to live through the memories. I was kinda hoping God could provide some firm ground to stand on…otherwise, what good is he?
2. Reckless Love by Cory Asbury – I already have bad memories of trying to get away from my abuser, and I had nightmares every night for a year and a half of trying to outmaneuver him. I try hard to breathe and not panic when they sing this at my church, because the thought of the Creator God chasing me is pretty damn terrifying.
3. Set a Fire by Jesus Culture – Anything that talks about creating a “fire” inside me is triggering. It reminds me of a time when I was getting raped and my body was aroused by it. Intellectually, I now understand this was inevitable, but emotionally, it’s horrifying and so degrading.
4. Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin – My father abused me, so at the time this came out, this was half terror and half nonsense. In my world fathers aren’t good by definition, so what on earth do you mean??
5. Sweetly Broken by Jeremy Riddle – I rather liked this song until I looked at the words. Creepy!!! Combining a broken will with romantic overtones? Yeah. I’m still recovering from that.

I realize that lots of people – even traumatized people – feel very differently about these songs, and they were probably written with the best of intentions. For myself, however, these and other songs like them have made church-going a bit of a minefield.